Monday, January 24, 2011

"It's Monday...and Everybody Works on Monday"

"If you've ever seen the look on somebody's face the day they finally get a job, I've had some experience with this, they look like they could fly. And its not about the paycheck, it's about respect, it's about looking in the mirror and knowing that you've done something valuable with your day. And if one person could start to feel this way, and then another person, and then another person, soon all these other problems may not seem so impossible. You don't really know how much you can do until you, stand up and decide to try."
--Dave, from the movie "Dave"

Now, I cannot truly say what Peter is going through today or what he has felt and thought the past six months, but I can say that I think this was a humbling experience, a difficult one, one that has been on his mind constantly and has kept him up at nights.  You would never know it, because that's not Pete's style.  No, he is much too proud and much too kind to let you know that.  Instead what I have seen and experienced these past six months is a husband who helps out quickly, is kind and generous and thoughtful.  I know he is a dedicated father who loves his children to the moon and back.  I feel as if I have let him walk this road alone, without a hand to hold or an ear to listen.  I hope he doesn't feel the same way.  I am proud of him.  I love him.   And, I will stick forever by his side.  He amazes me, and I look up to him; envy the way in which charms others, makes others laugh, can laugh at himself, and how he can handle the toughest of things with the grace and ease that is unimaginable.

It has been a tough and stressful, yet fun six months.  I know, that doesn't really make any sense.  It has been tough and stressful--understandable.  We lost our sole income, our insurance, and we had a baby.  We are on medicaid and food stamps and unemployment.  We are "making" $2500 less a month that we used to (being on unemployment), yet we still have all the same bills, and an extra child.  But, on the other hand, we have spent almost every single day together in almost a 24 hour fashion for the past six months.  How many couples and families can do that and not only not kill each other, but enjoy it?  Hopefully most (could), but I'm not sure.  I am going to miss him!  I will miss the obvious, as in the extra set of hands around the house.  I will miss just being able to do something, like run to the store (sans kids) or take a shower.  But, I will miss his company! I have loved eating breakfast with him every single morning after Delaney and Katie get on the bus.  I will miss our lunch dates with Katie and Rowe.  I will miss watching Family Feud with him from 1-2 everyday.  I will miss my companion, my friend, my husband.

But, I am happy for him, and proud of him.  I am happy that he is returning to work (if you haven't already picked up on that yet, yes, Peter got a job).  It is a very part time job, with no benefits (24 hours/pay period), but it's a job!  I am proud of him for looking diligently daily in order to find one.  I am proud of the numerous applications he completed and not letting it affect his marriage or parenting when he didn't get a job he wanted, or wasn't called for an interview.  I am proud of him for taking a job that I don't know he really wants.  You see, Peter was a case worker when we lived in Indiana.  Now, I think he liked his job.  He never complained and was happy.  But he was never passionate, excited to go to work...until nuclear medicine and his former job.  I loved that he loved his job so much, that he had wonderful coworkers, that he was truly happy.  Now, I think he is taking a job to have a job...which right now is the way things have to be.  I hope that this gets his foot in the door, and he can move into a position that better suits him.  Instead of working in psych, I hope he is able to soon find a job back in the nuclear medicine field.  I hope.  I hope for that passion and happiness I once saw in him, career-wse, to come back to him and fill the void that I am sure has been there the past six months, no matter how well he hid it from me and everyone else.

I love you, Peter.  I am proud of you, Peter.  You are my best friend, my knight in shining armour.  You are also the only person I can spend as much time with as we have the past six months and never get sick of (and I have a feeling it's the same reversed).  I know this isn't ideal, or a dream job, but it's something.  It's work, it's in a hospital, and it might be the most wonderful opportunity...we have yet to find out.  Even if it turns out not to be...I thank you for taking this step.  I thank you for not allowing the situation to affect our marriage.  I thank you for being by my side and helping me out the past six months, when it should have been me being by your side.  I thank you for taking a job you are not passionate about.  I thank you for you, for being you. You are forever putting me and the kids before you.  You amaze me.  Good luck today, Honey.  I love you very, very much!

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♥ Noelle ♥ said...

hey sweetie... congrats to your hubby! i feel your pain in this post because we have been on foodstamps for a year, kids have been on hoosier healthwise since birth since neither of us had good insurance (till my job now) and my hubbys been on unemployment for almost 6 months. its VERY hard! yet i find myself not wanting my job, and wanting to be home with my family! :( i took a full time job in august, hadn't worked full time in over 8 years; hubby always worked and took good care of us. we never got to take fancy trips, or buy super expensive things.. we got by and were happy.

i wonder why now we feel so miserable? what i make and what he gets from unemployment just covers all of our bills a month! our house isn't super fancy, we have a 04 suv with a ridicuously high payment (thank God one more year on that loan!).. we share than one suv also for over a year now!

i'm working full time so i quit my college classes for now, which means student loans will be kicking in again soon... so there goes another bill!

its soooo frustrating to work, pay bills and have NOTHING left! i still like to pick up and knick knack here and there, or buy a new shirt, which is with $ i get from a little direct sales business i have.

my hubby told me that our city.. south bend, was labeled on the news as a "dying city"... sounds LOVELY huh? we have had 2 major factories close here in the past few months, its horrible!

i will keep your family in my prayers as well; hope things will turn around for you this year ♥

Anonymous said...

ahh.. I had feeling that Pete was working again when I saw the car gone this morning. I'm glad for him and you- it's a start, right? That was a beautiful ode to your husband.

Marcia said...

Aw! Amy! That was really nice! I am glad you got to appreciate your time together! Scott was out of work for a little while too, a couple of years ago. And he got to stay home with the kids- he was the best stay-at-home dad! It was a "wierd" nice while it lasted. He was glad to get back at it- for all of us. But I was thankful and happy for him to have that time with the kids. Congrats to Pete for his work! I hope it goes well and helps!! Hugs to you!!